Allah ta ‘ala teaches us in the Holy Quran that the marriage relationship is one of His Signs. Among His Signs is that He created partners for you of your own kind so that you might find tranquility in them. And He has placed affection and compassion between you. There are certainly Signs in that for people who reflect. 30.21 Marriage is a clear sign the Unity of Allah because every created being must be male and female, and they must unite in order to produce offspring: We created all things in pairs so that hopefully you would remember. 51.49 Glory be to Him who created all the pairs from what the earth produces and from themselves and from things unknown to them 36.36 And Allah is the One who brought His creation into being without any partner. Say: “He is Allah, Absolute Oneness, Allah, the Everlasting Sustainer of all. He has not given birth, and was not born, and no one is comparable to Him. 112.1-4.

Allah has arranged the plants animals and human beings in pairs and caused males and females to desire each other so that they will instinctively unite and produce new generations of offspring. However, Allah does not wish human beings to behave like the animals, following their basic instincts and behaving according to their desires and lusts. He has honored us by raising our status over the animals and commanded us to uphold this responsibility with dignity and justice. We have honored the sons of Adam and carried them on the land and sea, and provided them with all good things and favored them greatly over many we have created. 17.70. So Allah has instituted marriage as part of the Shariah in order to preserve the honor and dignity that accompany the high position which He has given to mankind, to regulate the relationship between a man and a woman and to protect ourselves and society from the disastrous consequences of following our animal desires indiscriminately.

The Status of Women in Islam

By instituting marriage according to the laws of Islam, Allah has protected the status of women in society. We are all to aware of the way that modern society has degraded women and exploited the female body as a marketing strategy to control people by manipulating their desires. In Islamic society, a woman has complete protection before and during her marriage with her husband.

The Importance of Marriage in Islam

If a Muslim can afford to get married he is recommended to marry. Uthman ibn ‘Affan, may Allah be pleased with him, relates that the Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, said: “O young Muslims! The one who is able to pay the dowry should get married. It will help him to keep his eyes lowered and protect his private parts. (Bukhari and Muslim)

Marriage is the Sunnah of all the prophets and messengers. Anas ibn Malik, may Allah be pleased with him, relates that three people came to the house of the Holy Prophet, blessings and peace be upon him, to enquire about how he worshipped Allah. After they had been informed they said to each other: “We should worship more than the Holy Prophet because Allah has already promised to forgive him.” The first said: “I will pray all night every night.” The second said: “I will fast everyday.” The third said: “I will never marry.” When the Holy Prophet, blessings and peace be upon him, heard about this he became angry and asked: “Did you say that?” By Allah, I am the most humble and the most fearfully aware amongst you and yet I pray and I sleep, I fast and I break my fast, and I marry. Whoever does not follow my example is not one of us.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

In other religions men and women who wish to devote themselves to worshipping Allah live in seclusion and cannot marry, but when a Muslim marries intending to please Allah, it is written as worship because a for a Muslim every moment and every situation is an opportunity to worship Allah. Say: “My salat and my rites, my living and my dying are for Allah alone, the Lord of all the worlds.” 6.162

According to accepted Islamic doctrine (Minhaj al-Muslim) the wisdom of marriage has four aspects.

1. The continuation of the human race.

2. The lawful fulfillment of natural human desires.

3. The protection and education of children.

4. The honoring the relationship between men and women.

How to Choose a Good Wife

In Islam, a good wife is considered to be the greatest blessing in this world. Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al ‘As, may Allah be pleased with them, related that the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him said: “This world is a blessing for us, and the greatest blessing in it is a good wife.”

Islam gives us guidance to help a man to choose a good wife because they will share the rest of their life together and she will be the mother of his children and keeper of his secrets, and she will instruct their children in the traditions and teachings of Islam. The Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, said: “Man wishes to marry a woman for four reasons: her wealth, her family, her beauty or her Deen (the practice of Islam). Catch the one who upholds the Deen, or you will not be able to fulfill all your wishes. (Bukhari and Muslim)

What are the characteristics of a good wife in Islam? The Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, said: “The best wife is the one who when you look at her you will be happy that she is your wife. If you ask her to do something she will do it, and when you are away she will keep herself only for you and protect your property.” (An-Nasai) He warned us against marrying a beautiful woman with no deen. He once said to his Companions: “I warn you against marrying Khadaru ad-damin!” “What is Khadaru ad-damin?” asked the Companions. He replied: “A beautiful woman from bad family. She will weaken your Islam, spoil your children and bring you many problems. (Addaru Kutuniyya)

How to Choose a Good Husband

The woman’s guardian should not marry her to anyone except a man who is practicing his deen and has good manners. If someone marries his daughter to a wrong-doer, Allah will be angry because he is responsible for causing her to loose her Deen. Once a man came to Al-Hasan ibn Ali and said: “I have a daughter. To whom should I marry her?” He answered: “Marry her to a man who has taqwa. If he loves her he will be generous to her and if he does not like her he will still treat her well.” For this reason Imam al-Ghazzali warned the guardian: “Take care of your daughter because once she is given in marriage she will be in the care of another and if he is bad she will be trapped.”

The Rights of a Wife on Her Husband

Allah teaches us in the Quran: “All women shall have rights similar to the rights against them.” 2.228 The Messenger of Allah said: “You must give her food, provide her with clothes, never hit her face, never say ugly words and never banish her from your house.” (Minhaj al-Muslim)

The bride has the right to Al-Mahr, the dowry. This is the obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of their marriage. And give to the women their dowry with a good heart, but if they are happy to return some of it to you, make use of it with pleasure and goodwill. 4.4.

According to accepted Islamic doctrine (Minhaj al-Muslim):

1. The dowry should not be large. The Holy Prophet said: “The best of women are the ones whose dowry is low.”

2. The amount should be stated in the contract.

3. It is permissible to delay the dowry but it should be given before the marriage is consummated.

4. A husband must honor his wife and be generous to her.…and live with them honorably... 4.19 This is clear evidence that he is a good Muslim, but if he does not it is means that he is bad.

The Rights of a Husband on His Wife

All women shall have rights similar to the rights against them. 2.228. What is against them are the rights of the husband, which are, according to accepted Islamic doctrine (Minhaj al-Muslim):

1. Obeying him as long as this does not involve disobeying Allah. If she is unable to obey him because she is overburdened he should be gentle and lenient, and if she is disobedient he be patient and forgive her when she returns to obedience.

2. Protecting his property and his honor, and ask his permission to leave the house. And guard in absence what Allah would have them guard. 4.34.

3. Traveling with him if he desires her to.

4. Allowing him to enjoy the pleasures of intimacy with her. The Holy Prophet, peace be upon him said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses him, and he remains angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.”

5. Asking his permission to fast. The Holy Prophet said: “It is not lawful for a woman to fast when her husband is present unless he has given her permission.”

Happiness in Marriage

A married couple should always encourage each other to worship Allah and act according to the Holy Quran and the Sunnah. Abu Huraira related that the Holy Prophet, peace be upon him, said: “May Allah have mercy on a man rises at night to pray and wakes up his wife and they pray two rakats together, Allah will write them amongst the people who remember Allah much.” (Abu Daud)

A husband and wife are from different families and may also be from different cultures. They must accept their differences with patience and kindness. If there is something which they dislike they should hide their feelings and avoid offending each other. The best way to act is to treat your partner as you would like them to treat you.

A couple should begin their marriage by making the intention to protect each others rights according to the Shariah, to make their family an asset to the Muslim community and to bring up their children as good Muslims.

This modern society with its powerful media, uncensored entertainment and uncontrolled immorality holds many dangers for our children. It is very important to maintain Islamic standards at home, and provide a Muslim environment and a good example for our children. May Allah protect us and our wives and our children and guide us on the Straight Path. Ameen.